This one really strikes home. I hope every parent will take heed, especially in those late-afternoon danger zones, and make more of an effort to be the best friend you can be to your kids while they still cherish the time they spend with you. Thanks for posting this.
Joel Falconer
· 1 year ago
"Hearing that was like getting smacked in the face with a cue ball-loaded sock." I'll say! I'm the same - I spend days working and more long hours in the studio overnight, and by afternoon when I finally get home (or out of the home office) all I want is to relax a little, or fall asleep. Poor kid doesn't get the full interaction he deserves. This comes under passive versus conscious living, I'd say.
Michael
· 1 year ago
Don't be so hard on yourself, Matt. Remember, your son will learn more just watching you whistle and handle the dishes than he will staring at the TV. Just being there is a good thing. My son, Aiden, loves to help me put away his toys before he goes to bed. It may not seem like much, but he's only 20 months old, so little things mean a lot to him.
Aiden goes down at 7 PM, so I shower him with attention from the time I get home until he's asleep. Aiden gets his bath, half an hour of playtime, a book or two, and then bed, and then I get some me-time to play video games (right after my wife goes to bed, since she needs attention too).
Glad you're trying to do right by your family. That's probably the best any of us can ever do!!!
Keep at it! Love your kids.
Joe Messina
· 1 year ago
Well put, I've jotted it down in my "crap to remember should I run across someone to procreate with" Diary.
Night Writer
· 1 year ago
A timely post, well stated. I will go a little farther, however, to emphasize that we are first and foremost our kids' parents, and the parenting role has to take precedence in those situations where we're tempted to cut the kid some slack so as not to jeopardize the "friendship". My wife and I spent lots of time pal-ing around with our two girls, but our intent was to have them become the type of people we'd like to have as friends when they reach adulthood. That means telling them the things they need to hear, not just what they want to hear (which also happens to be one of the ways the Bible describes a true friend). Our girls are 14 & 19 now and they both still love to flop on the bed with my wife at night and talk and laugh about anything and every thing (really, everything) and they go out for coffee and breakfast together just about every Friday morning.
ayomide
· 1 year ago
Good post, and so very true! Very rarely do kids actually WANT to have strained relationships with their parents. We get that you work hard and stuff. The only thing I'd add (as a child, not a parent....and perhaps this will apply to you more when your kids are teenagers like me) 1) Don't just hear your kids. Listen. Especially if they're trying to tell you something difficult. (Like if they did something bad, but then have the humility to fess up, haha.) 2) Don't let your kids be the last to know you love them, or that you're proud of them. Too often I've gotten into conversations with friends where we'll ALL start complaining that our parents always say they're so "dissapointed" with our grades and how we can do better, and then tell everyone and their dog how their kid's on the honour roll. Your child should be the very first person to whom(/who?) you brag about how awesome they are. 3) Admit your mistakes and forgive them for theirs. They'll love you for it. Trust me. 4) You can only upset your kid so many times before they'll just go somewhere else to find what they're looking for.
daddybrain
· 1 year ago
I'm in tears.
Sitting at my cubicle with my coffee, bagel and muffin, I am trying to keep it together. You put this into words so beautifully, and in the process have captured some of my greatest issues. The exhaustion, the snapping, the regret of not being more present when I am with the boys (as well s the horrible feeling of isolation and sadness when I'm at work all day - without my best pals).
Peace, positive energy and strength to you and all parents that struggle with this.
I totally agree. As a dad, and as a son who's dad didn't always provide me with what I needed, I think this is great advice and insight. I don't know how old you are, but I have a feeling you'll be a great parent. The biggest challenge is remembering these values when we're sleep deprived, sex deprived and coping with feelings of sadness.
Peace,
Joey
cammy mummy
· 1 year ago
U had feeling pretty guilty for a few lines there but i learnt another important lil truth from my 4 year old son. He likes me to be me - he likes that i read a lot and he comes and sits with his own books on mummy's bed while she reads. I learnt to *listen* to him to find out what he needs and when - i am not his best friend - he has one of those every week. I am Mummy.
Jenny
· 1 year ago
Aww. Great post. And so cute.
Nathan
· 1 year ago
I've come to learn that when I work extra hours and take on projects that remove me from my family, I often leave with some regrets. However, if I spend an evening away from email and code just walking around the park with my kids, I've never regretted it.
Sure, I want to make more now so I can retire early, but my kids are only young once. These times you can't get back. There will be time later to work.
Milander
· 1 year ago
Isn't this just a given? If parents need to be told this they shouldn't really be having kids, I swear there should be a test before anyone is allowed to procreate.
Erik U.
· 1 year ago
decent post...but you're missing the boat. youf children need you to be their PARENT, not their friend. they only have 2 parents, but there are millions of people in the world who can potentially be their "best friend". sometimes that means doing things that they hate you for, but doing them because it's what's best for them. besides, your children need to know that your SPOUSE is the most important person to you - not the children - because without your spouse there are no children. you're not going to effectively parent your child if you're too busy making them your best friend; and not cultivating your relationship with your spouse. if you're their friend, who is their parent???
andreamae
· 1 year ago
Good post here. Parents are indeed a child's best friends. They should be the ultimate guide to their child's growing up and nurture him/her into a good person they wanted him/her to be. Giving their child their valuable time during the day makes him/her remember one day in his/her life that he/she has loving parents and the good things his/her parents have done to him/her will always stay in his/her innerself as he/she grow old. The things that parents have inculcate in their child's mind will guide the child to grow as a good citizen of his country.
All Comments
Aiden goes down at 7 PM, so I shower him with attention from the time I get home until he's asleep. Aiden gets his bath, half an hour of playtime, a book or two, and then bed, and then I get some me-time to play video games (right after my wife goes to bed, since she needs attention too).
Michael
michaelandchrissy.com
Keep at it! Love your kids.
1) Don't just hear your kids. Listen. Especially if they're trying to tell you something difficult. (Like if they did something bad, but then have the humility to fess up, haha.)
2) Don't let your kids be the last to know you love them, or that you're proud of them. Too often I've gotten into conversations with friends where we'll ALL start complaining that our parents always say they're so "dissapointed" with our grades and how we can do better, and then tell everyone and their dog how their kid's on the honour roll. Your child should be the very first person to whom(/who?) you brag about how awesome they are.
3) Admit your mistakes and forgive them for theirs. They'll love you for it. Trust me.
4) You can only upset your kid so many times before they'll just go somewhere else to find what they're looking for.
Sitting at my cubicle with my coffee, bagel and muffin, I am trying to keep it together. You put this into words so beautifully, and in the process have captured some of my greatest issues. The exhaustion, the snapping, the regret of not being more present when I am with the boys (as well s the horrible feeling of isolation and sadness when I'm at work all day - without my best pals).
Peace, positive energy and strength to you and all parents that struggle with this.
Peace,
Joey
www.daddybrain.wordpress.com
Peace,
Joey
Sure, I want to make more now so I can retire early, but my kids are only young once. These times you can't get back. There will be time later to work.